Awakening
by GrayEyedAthena
Summary: Oneshot. A look at how Edward might have felt after his transformation into a vampire. I'm sure this has been done to death, but please R


Edward awoke from a dream of searing pain into a hospital ward. It was night-time, but it wasn't silent. Around him he heard racking coughs, flu sufferers who couldn't get to sleep. There was a dry ache in his own throat, but for once he didn't feel like coughing. Edward felt - normal, actually. Excellent even.

As he surfaced properly from sleep all the noises of the ward filtered into Edward's consciousness. It seemed so much louder than usual. Even a nurse putting down a bedpan sounded like a clap of thunder. And the _voices_ ... why was everyone talking at this hour? And all at once? Edward shook his head to clear it, but if anything the noise grew worse.

Someone approached his bed, a young doctor with a concerned expression. "_He's awake_. You're awake. Good. Do you remember me at all?" Something about the man was familiar, but Edward couldn't place him - wait - Suddenly he remembered his mother's voice, pleading. _"Doctor Carlisle, you must help my boy. Do anything you can to save him, anything! He can't die like this, so young ..."_

"Are you Doctor Carlisle?"

"_Yes._ Yes." The doctor had a strange way of speaking, almost as if two people were talking at once, in the same voice. Sometimes the underneath-voice said different things. "_I need to get him out of here, he isn't safe around all these people. Should have thought of this before and moved him before he woke up. His hunger will be hard to control at first, I forgot. Stupid._"

"What do you mean, my hunger? Are you saying we should leave? Where's my mother?" Edward wasn't hungry, he was thirsty, his throat dry and parched. Now he thought about it, his thirst deepened unbearably. It was like he'd been walking in the desert. He wanted to empty a jug of ice-water, drink and drink and drink until he was satisfied. Edward grabbed for the glass of water some thoughtful nurse had left by his bedside, and drained it.

He spat out the disgusting brew at once, as quickly as he'd drunk it. "Ugh! What is this?" It looked clear, like water, but obviously wasn't. "I need some water, please, not this medicine. I feel fine."

The man had a strange, sad expression. "_Poor boy. Maybe I shouldn't have done it. Oh, but his mother pleaded before she died, she knew what I was and she still asked it for him. And he's so young, just a child really..._ We need to leave here, now. Can you walk?"

"My mother's dead?" No, it couldn't be. It was too horrible. But she had been struck worse than him by the disease, it was true. Edward remembered carrying her to the hospital, her breathing already raspy and torturous. Oh, but she couldn't leave him here alone, not alone!

Doctor Carlisle looked puzzled. "Yes, your mother is dead. I'm so sorry, there was nothing I could do. _But how did he know? I didn't say it_."

"Yes, you did! Of course you said it, I know what you said! And stop speaking like that, in little asides to yourself. Are you crazy or something?" Edward was angry now with the man's obvious lies. What were they sitting around here talking for if his mother was dead? He needed to see her, needed to do something.

The doctor blinked in amazement. "_This is incredible! _You can hear what I'm thinking, can't you?"

"What?" OK, this man was obviously unhinged. "All right, I'm leaving, but not with you. You're insane. I can't read your thoughts, you're saying everything out loud for the whole world to hear. I have to find my mother." She couldn't be dead, she must be already recovered and waiting for him back at the house. That was it.

Edward got up and ran to the end of the ward, towards the doors that led outside. His mind told him fuzzily that he was travelling far faster than was possible. Perhaps the flu was still affecting him. Edward brushed past a nurse on the way out. Was she wearing some kind of perfume? The girl smelt ... edible ... like a bar of chocolate. Or ice cream. His sore throat flared painfully, as if it was being burnt. The voices around sounded louder as Edward leaned in close to her, inhaling her scent. It was like raspberry ice-cream, the kind made by hours of churning in the cold-pantry, soft and cold and thirst-quenching. Edward caught hold of her wrist, ignoring her bizarre speech.

"_What's he doing? He looks hungry. He's looking at me like I was something to eat. _Let go! Sit back down please, sir, you're not well."

If only he could find a way to get at whatever was making that delicious smell. Edward could see the pulse jumping in her throat, very clearly. It mesmerised him. Then Doctor Carlisle grabbed his arms firmly from behind and dragged him away.

By the time Edward struggled enough to be released, they were in a wood on the outskirts of town. "How did we get here so fast? And why did you take me away? I was ... hungry..." He realised for the first time what he'd been about to do. "What am I? This isn't normal. I wanted to - wanted to eat someone. I could've hurt her!"

"_Vampire_. Edward, this may be hard to believe at first -"

"No, it's not possible. Vampires don't really exist. This is like something out of a gothic novel!"

" - but you're a vampire. _How did he already know?_ But of course. You can read thoughts, I'm certain of it." Doctor Carlisle frowned. "I know you don't believe me, but watch my lips and see that when I next 'speak', it's only my mental voice you hear. _Can you hear me now? I'm not speaking aloud, can you still hear?_"

"Yes." So it was true. Edward found it almost too unbelievable to countenance. He could read minds. At least, this man's mind.

Then his hunger flared up again, and Doctor Carlisle taught him how to catch hares and squirrels barehanded with his new strength. Their blood didn't taste as fine as he imagined the girl's would have, but it satisfied his thirst. And didn't make him as much of a monster. When Edward was full, Doctor Carlisle talked with him again.

"I'd like you to stay with me a while, at least while you adjust to - " Carlisle gestured broadly, "All this. _It'll be so good to have some company at last._ "

"I want to see my mother first. Her body, rather. I just - I just want to make sure -" Edward would not break down, not in front of this stranger. He was going to be a soldier, remember? Soldiers didn't get upset.

"I understand you want to say goodbye to her, but I'm afraid she's already been buried. And it would be wisest for you to stay away from humans for the next few months, until you get used to controlling your hunger. You can visit your mother's grave then." Doctor Carlisle put a hand on one of Edward's shoulders, attempting a comforting gesture. "I'm sorry. _So sorry, why did I do this to him? Wouldn't he have been better off dead with his mother?_ If it's any consolation, this life grows easier in time."

Edward shook his head. "I wouldn't have been better off dead."

"I'll - never get used to that, reading thoughts."

"I'm serious, Doctor Carlisle. Thank you for giving me this, whatever it is. I'm glad I didn't die." And, however monstrous that might be, it was the truth.


End file.
